Cheryl: Remember when dad took us to see 'The Exorcist'? I still have trouble going to bed sometimes!

Dana: Of course you do, you sleep with Jim!

 

Dana: "Jim, I'm gonna kill you. Then I'm gonna get off this boat, go to Haiti, learn Voodoo, raise you from the dead, and kill you again!"

Jim: "Circumcise your watches."

 

Jim: "Are you nervous?"

Ruby: "No"

Jim: "Then why are your hands so cold?"

Ruby: "You made me hold your Slurpee!"

 

Cheryl: (on Jim's behavior) He's brilliant. He's pretending to be a moron to cover up being a jackass.

 

Jim: I married her for her looks.

Cheryl: I married him for his money.

Jim: Hah! I win!

 

 

Jim: Dana, would you tell your sister her ass is not big?

Dana: But you are big!

 

Jim: "Where's the rulebook?"

Cheryl: "What rulebook?"

Jim: "You know. The religious one . . . the Bible."

 

Jim: "I am in great shape."

Cheryl: "What shape is that, a circle?"

Jim "Heroes aren't born...they're cornered." (About looking after Dana while she's pregnant)

 

Andy: "Dana, I'm going to be a daddy! What's new with you, nothing, right?"

 

Cheryl: Jim, are you listening to yourself?
Jim: Yes I am, Cheryl. I *am* a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!

Gracie: Trophies are stupid and all the others are nerds. It's like being with 50 other Uncle Andys.

 

 

 

Cheryl:  How about... sex with another woman?
Jim: [brief pause] You or me?

  

Jim: "Unless I hit a home run, score a touchdown, or I ask you to, that is not okay!"

 

Jim: "The toilet comes with a lifetime guarantee! So we'll never have to worry about buying another toilet. And when I die, Kyle will inherit the throne. It'll be like Shakespeare!"

Jim: That's the great thing about you, honey... you remember every freakin' thing I say.

 

Jim: You don't even know me any more! I think we should have more sex.
Cheryl: Why?
Jim: Why not?

 

Dana:( dancing with Andy) Wow, Andy, it's like someone connected your legs to your brain.

 

Cheryl: Jim, there's a lot of culture in this city. We should take advantage of it.
Jim: What? I take you to the zoo.